A little bit late...

[seahearth]

I am kind of a mess. I haven't felt like blogging, maybe because that would require some kind of distance from and reflection on things. But I said I'd blog every week, and it's been eight days, and I'd like to do what I said I'd do.
So....
This has been a really, really shit week for Sam. Previous times like this we've pretty much folded, because when I see someone lying on the ground under a large pile of rocks I go "Ooh look, rocks" and crawl underneath the pile as well -- but this time I'm managing not to do that so much, so one of us can still do the maintaining basic functionality things. I think I'm learning a bit from Sam, who has been a good support person as long as I've known him.
The odd thing is I'm actually doing better than I have been in ages, in terms of getting things done and being vaguely cheerful about it. I'm getting to work, and doing the work that needs doing at home, and getting out to do family things such as boardgaming at ablackart and leaflemming's tonight and going to a play with Jan tomorrow night; I'm moderately happy, and not stressed about the future, or anything really beyond getting through the week. Which feels manageable. I think I used to be someone who enjoyed crisis; maybe I still kind of am. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

At the weekend Sam took me to see Bohemian Rhapsody. I liked it. leaflemming tells me it's not accurate story-wise, which is upsetting. But what I want to say is how something struck me during an AIDS hospital scene: that if climate change is as bad for humans as it might be, and all our civilisations break down, and even if we all die, it won't be worse than what people have gone through before. Because when everything that your heart belongs to is ending, it probably doesn't matter how much survives? There's no reason this should have occurred to me at that moment, not when watching or reading or thinking about other catastrophes -- or when watching Pose earlier this year, which portrays the AIDS epidemic more powerfully. But it did: we aren't different. Worlds have often been ending. Whatever happens there will be trees. When there are no more trees there will be stones.
And of course one needs to keep on living in the world that may end, and hopefully working for it to not end yet; but comfort beyond that scale is useful.

I should probably go to bed because it's getting towards one o'clock and I have work tomorrow. I also want to say though that the fifth season of Steven Universe is wonderful and wonderful and everyone should watch it. 

Comments

[leaflemming]

"Whatever happens there will be trees. When there are no more trees there will be stones." I find this very heart-easing.